Tough Talk: Talking to Kids After Disaster

As IAFF members continue to search for survivors in the Surfside condominium collapse, peer support teams have been on the ground since June 28, providing critical emotional support to impacted fire service professionals and their families. In the aftermath of natural or manmade disasters, many parents struggle with how to talk to their children. While fire fighters are ready to respond to crises everyday, responding to the emotional needs of children can be a more complex task. 

Talking to your kids after a disaster is never easy, as every child responds to traumatic events differently. While you can’t control what disasters and events occur in the world, you can support their ability to cope with tragedy. Here are some points to consider.

Age

In the aftermath of a disaster, the developmental stage of your child should guide your approach. For kids ages 0–5, unless they were directly exposed to the event, they may not need a direct explanation. Instead, look out for any changes in eating, sleeping and social behavior. At this age, children value predictable routines and consistent attachment to caregivers above all else. For children ages 4–5, it may be appropriate to provide a simple concrete explanation like, “A building fell down and people got hurt, but many crews are working to help them. Our family is safe.”

For kids ages 6–11, it’s important to determine what your child already knows or believes about the disaster. Then, acknowledge the broad facts of the disaster, while encouraging your child to ask questions and express thoughts, feelings or observations. While avoiding this discussion may feel more comfortable in the short term, not directly acknowledging a traumatic event may produce more anxiety for your child when they need stability and reassurance.

While teenagers may seem to have little reaction to a disaster initially, they understand that death is real, inevitable and irreversible. As a primary adult in the life of your teen, you have a critical opportunity to explore some important life lessons. Tragedy and death are a part of life, and sometimes bad things happen to good people for no reason. When these things happen, it’s perfectly normal to feel sad, angry, confused or that life will never be the same. Be honest with your teen that you do not have all the answers, but you are ready to listen when they are ready to talk.